She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
