Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
