Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
