i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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