It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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