So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
