If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
