I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
