i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
