Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
