how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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