I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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