i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
