the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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