They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
