Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
