she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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