He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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