I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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