I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
