Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
