She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
