Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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