we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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