He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
