i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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