cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
