We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
