He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
