I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
