Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
