I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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