hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
