my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
