Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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