I want to stick my p in your. b.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
