Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
