I've blown a few things in my day
I checked into jail on foursquare
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize