where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
