To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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