There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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