My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
