I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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