FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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