I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
