Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
