Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize