if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I love you. Go after that dick
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
