i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
