brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
