i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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