i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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