it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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