booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
