I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize