That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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