No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
