im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
