i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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