Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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