i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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