I didn't shave. On purpose
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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