They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
