You can't special order awesome
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
not ubering you a puppy
I'm both gender and math confused
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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