Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
