Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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