We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
