I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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