i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
