i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
