You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
