im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Randomize
