you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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