im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
