Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
